Jobsworths!

I am thinking of writing a new GCSE course to meet the educational needs of Britons in the 21st century. It's called "Thinking outside the box" and to achieve even a G grade you will need to be prepared to deviate from the training manual script and show the capacity for independent thought. To achieve an F grade, you will need to demonstrate awareness of what other people around you are doing. For an E grade, your left hand will need to know what your right hand is doing. At the other end of the scale, an A* student will be intelligent, courteous and fully in the picture. They will be able to solve problems in one phone call without passing customers round several departments and will be able to deal with each situation as an individual one.

Why? Well because I seem to have spent an inordinate proportion of the summer break on the phone to people who have none of the aforementioned qualities or abilities (always on premium rate numbers too). Today took the biscuit....

Last Wednesday I travelled to Liverpool with Anni to submit a fast track passport application. (Guaranteed one week service). Hands up I did make a mistake in that Anni didn't sign the form and apparently you have to once you are 12. I would have thought that they may just have noticed that when I handed in the form. She was, after all, with me and could have signed it there and then. They did ring me and ask me to send in another form, albeit two days later and said that timing would still be no problem. Today, 1 week and 1 day later, I rang to ask where the passport was and was told (by a rather rude young lady) that it had been printed but wasn't with the couriers yet and they couldn't guarantee we'd have it by Friday (ooops, that's when we fly!)

Could I come and collect the passport myself?

No, it is held at a secure location somewhere near Manchester. Even we don't know where it is.

But I paid a hefty fee for a guaranteed 1 week service....

Yes, but there form wasn't completed properly.

You would have thought they might have noticed that when I handed it in...

That's not their job.

So what can I do?

Nothing.

Can I check the delivery address?

Your home address.

I was told it couldn't be delivered there, since I don't have my own letterbox at the moment.

Well it can't be delivered to any other residential address.

So why was I given a piece of paper and told to write down my mother's address so that it could be sent there?

You can't just do that. You have to send it by fax.

Can I speak to a supervisor?

There's no point, he'll only tell you what I've told you, That's what we're trained to say.

I'll speak to him anyway.

He was only marginally more helpful, but did say that it was down to be delivered to my mother's and should hopefully be with us by Friday. I could ring at 6pm to see if it had gone to the couriers

But here's the best bit. Half an hour later, my mum rang...."Annabel's passport just arrived!"

Is it me?