This is a piece by Fishycheese, who blogs so infrequently he would never get round to sharing it and you, dear reader, would lose out. So enjoy:
The Wombles are a race of amazingly intelligent creatures, that, under their seemingly adorable bodies, a sinister truth lurks. Yes, I, Fishycheese, have been documenting their evil ways and have been able to write this information, to inform you on the terror that lies “Underground, overground, wombling free, the Wombles of Wimbledon common are we”. From this extract of Womble lore, I have been able to determine the following facts
1) “Underground, overground”: they live and breed above and below the ground.
2) “wombling free” they are allowed to infest the earth with their darkness
3) “Wombles of Wimbledon” their main hive is located somewhere on Wimbledon common.
4) “common are we” they are among us!
As I ventured further into their ways, I was lost in the awful truth. I believe, as does my associate, Adam Dean, a leading authority on the Wombles, that the Wombles are an alien race, from somewhere beyond our solar system. We are also lead to believe that they were driven from their home planet by the eventual lack of metal waste, with which, as now widely known, they use to build vast robot armies to fulfil their demonic desires. These robots are also adept killing machines, killing leading government “Puppets” and taking their skin as their own, explaining the lack of recycling laws and various atrocities that our, now WOMBLE parliaments force into effect. They have to be admired for, if nothing else, their amazing feats of engineering: Robots, bombs, ray-guns, rifles and various other firearms with which to scar humanity. Naturally, they would not want to parade this across the known world, so they assassinate those who know too much, and for this reason I fear for my life. They are out to get me! The Wombles are at heart cowardly, slimy creatures, for if word did get out about the truth, the U.S.A would do, as they do to anything that isn’t to their liking, their best to have these creatures exterminated. This invariably would result in a war, as do most of the U.S’s actions. Hence forth, secrecy is these dark creatures prerogative. They are a highly, technologically advanced race, designing weapons often with several times the power of nuclear warheads, yet tiny by comparison, the size of an egg! The few reasons they do not exterminate all of humanity are as follows: 1) they need us to squeeze valuable ore out of the surface of the planet.
2) They want to see how much damage we cause to the earth before it implodes.
3) They are cruel and sadistic; hence they enjoy watching us suffer. Oh believe me, they have ways!
The intelligence that has recently been unveiled has revealed that the Wombles hold a reign of terror over the Umpa lumpa’s of Quala-lumpa, the toilette gremlins of anonymous park loos (yes, I know your secret, you horrible residential parks!) and various other groups of recently discovered creatures. We have promised these creatures our full protection, which I hope will not have deteriorated by the time of our Womble-inflicted apocalypse.
