Football it's a silly old game

Help! It's everywhere. England flags draped from buildings and protruding from cars, Spamabel even saw one in a tree!!! Whole shelves in supermarkets full of England goodies. I just can't take it. It's like a joke that no-one else has let me in on. Men talk about it incessantly in the staffroom, as if they have some kind of ownership of the team, as if the players are their mates. I've even been "strongly advised" to cancel an informative and interesting meeting (converse to football) with the words, "You do know that's the day of the England match?" (Yeah, and....?)

What is the point of football? It just depresses people like our friend Bingley, who is an avid Wonderland supporter, because his team never wins anything.

My older (and thinks himself much wiser but he isn't) brother advised me, very patronisingly may I add, "Do try to get into the world cup. You'll have a much happier household."

No I won't! If I got into football, who would make the bacon butties for everyone? (By the way Rob and Meg MacFrenzy and kids, you are more than welcome to come round and watch any match here!)

And while I'm having a moan, I was most rudely insulted at work today. We have an IT technician who as yet has no concept of the word "faciliate". His name is Batman and his first response to everything is pretty much one of two possibilities. He either shakes his head and sucks in air like a dodgy car mechanic when he's about to say "It'll cost yer", or he says "NO!" Today I went to ask him something and got a different response. He looked me up and down

(in my summer dress) and said, "Oooh when's it due?" HOW RUDE! I've lost 4lbs this week I'll have you know. Guess that dress is going in the bin along with my "pudding bum" skirt. (In 1990 I intercepted a note from a pupil which said, "I hate that French teacher and she looks a real pudding bum in that skirt") After that, the "pudding bum" skirt never saw the light of day again. Hmph! :(