Didn't we have a luvverly time the day we went to the candle factory?

The amill~ pre~ and post~millennialist agree
That the most boring place on earth
Is the candle factory!

"A day out to remember" brags the leaflet. Absolutely! Though perhaps not for the reasons intended here. "Out of town shopping experience witha difference". No kidding there either. Having clambered up to the summit of Beeston Castle to take in the breathtaking views over the Cheshire plains, and having fared sumptuously on picnic food galore, where do you go that will be entertaining for the adults, the little ones and the teenagers for whom everything is ennuyeux, langweilig and boring anyway? Answer: NOT the Cheshire Workshops (subtitled The Candle Makers).
On arrival, one takes in at a glance the full, nay, overfull car park and thinks "Hmmm! Lots of people here, can't be bad then." We communicated this to Knave Blunt, who was not so convinced. He felt that the totally unfunky font on the sign was a giveaway that it going to be dire. If only we had noticed that everybody leaving the place was empty handed and wearing an expression reading "I am not impressed!"
The sign was perhaps the first hint that this was not going to be a happening trip.
The second, which we discovered the next day, was that young Dosh, who had already texted his mate Dosh back home complaining "I am being taken round an English Heritage site with my parents" was now texting to say "Now I am in a candle factory. I think I am going to die"
(Note to readers, this information is now 3rd hand and may well contain some inaccuracy)
Thirdly, the board boasting all the many activities was not encouraging.
This is one of the things we could have made, although please note that the examples glued to the board were not this good. No, seriously, they weren't.

Inside were candles of extreme hideousness and an overwhelming smell of wax. You could even buy a wax angel candle. Burning angels? That is not good. Furthermore there was a glassblower, making hideous multicoloured glass clowns which he was selling for £35!!!! Dom remembered being taken round the Caithness glass factory on the road to John O'Groats and almost lost his mind. Indeed he was to be found dishing out leaflets advertising the candle makers chanting, "Spread the joy" with an insane grin on his face.

"Why are we still here?" we asked one another.

The only remedy was to return home and spark up the barbecue. The three men, Dieter, Donny and Heath stood guarding the meat, whilst the women did all the work. No changes there then. The teenagers were allowed to destress with some serious playstation. I think it may be a while before they agree to come out with us again.

At least the pre-post and amillennialist will always have a point of deep rooted agreement though, that's got to be worth something.
Meanwhile a question, if anyone knows the answer please comment....Kara Blunt thinks that if you were to drop a feather and a stone down the well at Beeston, they would both fall at the same speed. There is, apparently, a law of physics to support this. Someone has suggested that that law refers to the dropping of a feather and a hammer on the moon! Beeston Castle, you may be aware, is not on the moon. Hmmmm! Tricky one.